This time of the year has always been extremely difficult for me. I have suffered with depression and anxiety most of my adult life, so I just assumed that I would always feel this way. Not matter what I would hate the end of the year because I always looked back on the year and never saw any kind of accomplishment that I could be proud of. Nothing that I could point to and say, "you see that? I did that." It wasn't for the accolades or to be given attention for what I done, but more for the sense of self fulfillment that I longed for. This year however is very different.
On July 1st, my first book was available to purchase on Amazon. It was a small collection of poems and I've sold about 60 copies of it so far this year. Nearly everyone that has read it loves it and I love that my words have been able to reach people. One of my childhood dreams was fulfilled, I have published a book!
Secondly this year I made another dream come true, I set out to get a promotion for myself by the end of the year and I've done exactly that. I interviewed for and got a job that I have been dreaming of for the last two years.
Lastly I applied and got into another college after failing to make it at University of Phoenix. So now I'm going to a school that has a degree program that is more focused than what I was in before, and it's cheaper! I think this school will be better for me and I'm hoping that I will be able to make my dream come true finally of having an advanced degree in English!
Here's hoping that 2016 is just as eventful and interesting as 2015 was...without all the emergency surgery!!
Thursday, December 31, 2015
Wednesday, December 9, 2015
Where have you been?
Um, excuse me, but who are YOU?
Yes, I know it's been far too long since I've posted an update. And it's been even longer since I even tried to make this blog work.
A lot has happened in the midst of the last three and a half years. First of all I got married! Never in a million years did I think that would happen. Second I got promoted at my job, twice! So I took on more responsibilities and more traveling so that means less time to work on here. And third I became a published author! My first book is just a small collection of poems that I self published through Amazon back in July and sold a whole 50 copies of! I lost my father in 2013 and not a day goes by when I don't think about him in some way. I started my journey into college, trying desperately to earn my degree and failing miserably.
Life hit me full on in the face, forcing me to roll on with it whether I was ready for it or not.
I'm looking to pick this back up, because throughout all life's adventures I have maintained my Professional Fat Girl status. However some recent symptoms have me a tad bit worried...so as we enter into the new year I will be trying to chronicle my journey through dealing with the sins of my youth (i.e. eating badly and not exercising).
Most importantly I will be working on my novel in the hopes of submitting and publishing it in the coming year! FINALLY!!
Stay tuned! It should be a very interesting year!
Yes, I know it's been far too long since I've posted an update. And it's been even longer since I even tried to make this blog work.
A lot has happened in the midst of the last three and a half years. First of all I got married! Never in a million years did I think that would happen. Second I got promoted at my job, twice! So I took on more responsibilities and more traveling so that means less time to work on here. And third I became a published author! My first book is just a small collection of poems that I self published through Amazon back in July and sold a whole 50 copies of! I lost my father in 2013 and not a day goes by when I don't think about him in some way. I started my journey into college, trying desperately to earn my degree and failing miserably.
Life hit me full on in the face, forcing me to roll on with it whether I was ready for it or not.
I'm looking to pick this back up, because throughout all life's adventures I have maintained my Professional Fat Girl status. However some recent symptoms have me a tad bit worried...so as we enter into the new year I will be trying to chronicle my journey through dealing with the sins of my youth (i.e. eating badly and not exercising).
Most importantly I will be working on my novel in the hopes of submitting and publishing it in the coming year! FINALLY!!
Stay tuned! It should be a very interesting year!
Sunday, April 29, 2012
Working Out In All My Jigglely Glory!
Yes, you read that right. Jigglely glory. Because when my form makes an attempt at rapid movement I resemble one of those old Jello commercials...Watch it wiggle, see it jiggle! It's not a pretty sight, and it can be hazardous to my health! But in my efforts to get healthy a few black eyes may be necessary!
We've all seen the infomercials, the ones pitching the newest weight loss miracle drug, or the work out plan "guaranteed" to get results fast! You've seen them, I've seen them. You've probably thought to yourself, just like I have, maybe that might work, the way they present their product is pretty convincing! Even though the part of your brain that controls common sense is screaming, "SCAM! SCAM! SCAM!" you still think, well maybe. And maybe you decided to give it a shot, after all what else do you have to lose? Just the weight right? And truly those programs must work for someone one, but for me the only thing they work to prove is that I'm gullible! I've got 'em all: P90X, Strip-Aerobics, 6 Week Body Make Over, Pilates, Zumba...and all of them have been sitting in my closet since the week they came in the mail. Played only once or twice, and that's when I found that these programs require, *GASP* WORK! COMMITMENT! TIME! SWEAT!! Oh no, this is not what I paid for! I bought something fun and easy, something that was supposed to melt the pounds away with little to no input from me! Wait, what's that you say? There's no such thing? No quick fix to my problems? You mean to tell me I'm actually going to have to change in order to make this work!? Oh hell no! I'm going to just go back to drinking my soda and eating my deep fried Twinkies, thank you very much!
Yep, that was me, and gradually over the years the number on the scale crept up. And up, and up, and up, all the way to 280lbs! I could barely move without getting winded, and the slightest physical activity send my heart pounding to the point of concern. My life was completely out of control, and I was doing nothing to stop the chaos. At the lowest point in my life, in my darkest hour I make a really dumb decision, paving the way for a truly eye opening experience and a moment of clarity. In that moment, I took a good hard look at my life, and realized that I completely hated what I saw. So I made a list of everything that I wanted to change, and finally take control of my life! First step? Get Healthy!
But being a PFG, getting healthy requires a lot of sacrifice on my part, and a lot of sweat. Trying to lose weight when the closest I've ever been to being in shape is simply by being round is really hard! It's a continuous conscience effort. Every minutes of every day i have to think about what I'm eating and putting in my body. I have to be aware that my metabolism is like molasses running up hill, in January. From all the infomercials, you could almost believe that there are people out there that get "hooked" on exercising just because it's "FUN". Or the people who are so convincing in their "I just have so much more energy since i dropped that 10lbs".....blah, blah, blah! Well let me tell you that for this PFG that's nothing but a load of crap! All I get from all that jumping around is a call from the local seismic detection center telling me to stop, and a pounding headache. All of that stuff about how much fun it can be is just a marketing ploy to reel you in and make you think that the products work, when they don't! I bet those marketing people even think they're clever for having coming up with such an idea! Bet they also has a hot fudge sundae to celebrate, with nuts, and whipped cream. And I bet they added bananas and pineapples just to make me jealous...all that gooey, melty goodness....*drools*
Huh? What? Where am I? Oh, yea...blog...marketing people and their clever deceptions, and ice cream.....mmmmm...ice cream....okay that's it! I'm getting ice cream!! Be right back!
*Gets one scoop of vanilla, cuz I've been good all week!*
Much better! Now where was I? Oh yea, those marketing ploys are brilliant, but hurtful. Leading the masses to actually believe you can loose 100lbs without having to work for it? Really? How does that help anyone when we know it's not true! All the wishful thinking in the world isn't going to change the current reality if we aren't willing to put the work into it. And again, for me that will a lot of sweat. I hate sweating. It's just so...so...sweaty!
My biggest issue is just the commitment to making it work; to staying on track and not giving up. My ability to commit to a diet comes and goes, depending on what I'm craving that day! LOL But as I'm nearing my 30th birthday, I find myself growing weary of my current state. The other deciding factor? I recently got engaged. And as any bride-to-be would do, I dove in to planning the wedding and started dreaming about a dress. That is until I found the selection for PFGPFG jiggles. Not exactly something I want to subject myself to, so I stick with my yard work and try like mad to control my eating habits. But I slip, a lot, and eat things I know I shouldn't. I'm hoping with a little more activity and being a little more firm in my resolve that I will be able to reach my goal of shedding 100lbs and being the hottest bride ever! Okay so maybe the hottest bride ever part won't happen, but at least I'll be health and happy on my wedding day. But only if my cravings don't take my resolve hostage in exchange for those deep fried Twinkies!
We've all seen the infomercials, the ones pitching the newest weight loss miracle drug, or the work out plan "guaranteed" to get results fast! You've seen them, I've seen them. You've probably thought to yourself, just like I have, maybe that might work, the way they present their product is pretty convincing! Even though the part of your brain that controls common sense is screaming, "SCAM! SCAM! SCAM!" you still think, well maybe. And maybe you decided to give it a shot, after all what else do you have to lose? Just the weight right? And truly those programs must work for someone one, but for me the only thing they work to prove is that I'm gullible! I've got 'em all: P90X, Strip-Aerobics, 6 Week Body Make Over, Pilates, Zumba...and all of them have been sitting in my closet since the week they came in the mail. Played only once or twice, and that's when I found that these programs require, *GASP* WORK! COMMITMENT! TIME! SWEAT!! Oh no, this is not what I paid for! I bought something fun and easy, something that was supposed to melt the pounds away with little to no input from me! Wait, what's that you say? There's no such thing? No quick fix to my problems? You mean to tell me I'm actually going to have to change in order to make this work!? Oh hell no! I'm going to just go back to drinking my soda and eating my deep fried Twinkies, thank you very much!
Yep, that was me, and gradually over the years the number on the scale crept up. And up, and up, and up, all the way to 280lbs! I could barely move without getting winded, and the slightest physical activity send my heart pounding to the point of concern. My life was completely out of control, and I was doing nothing to stop the chaos. At the lowest point in my life, in my darkest hour I make a really dumb decision, paving the way for a truly eye opening experience and a moment of clarity. In that moment, I took a good hard look at my life, and realized that I completely hated what I saw. So I made a list of everything that I wanted to change, and finally take control of my life! First step? Get Healthy!
But being a PFG, getting healthy requires a lot of sacrifice on my part, and a lot of sweat. Trying to lose weight when the closest I've ever been to being in shape is simply by being round is really hard! It's a continuous conscience effort. Every minutes of every day i have to think about what I'm eating and putting in my body. I have to be aware that my metabolism is like molasses running up hill, in January. From all the infomercials, you could almost believe that there are people out there that get "hooked" on exercising just because it's "FUN". Or the people who are so convincing in their "I just have so much more energy since i dropped that 10lbs".....blah, blah, blah! Well let me tell you that for this PFG that's nothing but a load of crap! All I get from all that jumping around is a call from the local seismic detection center telling me to stop, and a pounding headache. All of that stuff about how much fun it can be is just a marketing ploy to reel you in and make you think that the products work, when they don't! I bet those marketing people even think they're clever for having coming up with such an idea! Bet they also has a hot fudge sundae to celebrate, with nuts, and whipped cream. And I bet they added bananas and pineapples just to make me jealous...all that gooey, melty goodness....*drools*
Huh? What? Where am I? Oh, yea...blog...marketing people and their clever deceptions, and ice cream.....mmmmm...ice cream....okay that's it! I'm getting ice cream!! Be right back!
*Gets one scoop of vanilla, cuz I've been good all week!*
Much better! Now where was I? Oh yea, those marketing ploys are brilliant, but hurtful. Leading the masses to actually believe you can loose 100lbs without having to work for it? Really? How does that help anyone when we know it's not true! All the wishful thinking in the world isn't going to change the current reality if we aren't willing to put the work into it. And again, for me that will a lot of sweat. I hate sweating. It's just so...so...sweaty!
My biggest issue is just the commitment to making it work; to staying on track and not giving up. My ability to commit to a diet comes and goes, depending on what I'm craving that day! LOL But as I'm nearing my 30th birthday, I find myself growing weary of my current state. The other deciding factor? I recently got engaged. And as any bride-to-be would do, I dove in to planning the wedding and started dreaming about a dress. That is until I found the selection for PFGPFG jiggles. Not exactly something I want to subject myself to, so I stick with my yard work and try like mad to control my eating habits. But I slip, a lot, and eat things I know I shouldn't. I'm hoping with a little more activity and being a little more firm in my resolve that I will be able to reach my goal of shedding 100lbs and being the hottest bride ever! Okay so maybe the hottest bride ever part won't happen, but at least I'll be health and happy on my wedding day. But only if my cravings don't take my resolve hostage in exchange for those deep fried Twinkies!
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
Shopping...
I hate shopping.
Really, as a PFG shopping can be a challenge. It can also be very depressing and cause irrepairable damage to my bank account.
As any woman with a waist line above a 16 can attest, the selection for clothing is small. So small in some stores that we are relegated to just a few racks. And typically those racks are dominated with kittens in flower baskets and...elastic waist bands....*shudders* I HATE elastic waist bands. It's like clothing manufactures don't think that a woman who wears a 16 or larger is capable of use a button, which of course is total bull...well let's just say it irriates me..LOL
There are of course the "specialty" stores that have popped up which cater to women of my PFG'ness, but the cost to even step foot in these stores is far beyond the few pennies which reside in my pocket. And that's not even counting the cost of the clothes! Sadly, like most women, I was born with an eye for expensive, so all the styles and clothes that catch my eye tend to run on the high end of the pricing scale. But generally speaking the price of "Plus Size" clothes runs this course across all style and types. From swim suits to jeans. T-shirts to formal wear, even shoes!
Torrid and Lane Bryant are the two names that come up when you try to locate fashionable PFG clothes. But the cost to buy one outfit is outrageous! Think about it, if you're looking for a cute outfit for a night out you're looking at spending a minium of $140! Here's a break down of a cute outfit one might find at Torrid.
Jeans - $58.50
Top - $44.50
Shoes - $55.50
Bracelet - $16.50
----------------
Total cost - $175.00!! Ouch. My bank account is squirming just thinking about that number!
If you can hit the clearance section for some if not all of the items, then you can knock that cost down to just about $100. But if you're like me, finding something that fits, isn't ripped or stained in the clearance section is like winning the lottery. It happens about a life time. And if you also like me, you just don't have that kind of extra cash laying around. Personally I think this kind of pricing isn't fair, since there's such a limited amount of stores that carry clothes worth buying, what's a PFG to do?
Now I can hear some of you out there saying, but there are other stores that carry "Plus Size" clothes at better prices. And indeed there are other stores, but the styles and cuts are not available to buy off the rack. Most stores like Old Navy do have a plus size line, but it's available exclusively online. Who buys clothes without trying them on first, not me. So what about outlet malls or discount stores? They often carry the rejects from the main stores so the clothing is often ripped, mis-tagged or stained. And more often than not they carry the clothes that aren't sized correctly. Sure that top says it's a 2X, but it's cut was just a little off making it more like a 1X 1/2. And usually the clothes have something that's just a little off about them. So then what's a PFG to do? Here's my suggestions...
Really, as a PFG shopping can be a challenge. It can also be very depressing and cause irrepairable damage to my bank account.
As any woman with a waist line above a 16 can attest, the selection for clothing is small. So small in some stores that we are relegated to just a few racks. And typically those racks are dominated with kittens in flower baskets and...elastic waist bands....*shudders* I HATE elastic waist bands. It's like clothing manufactures don't think that a woman who wears a 16 or larger is capable of use a button, which of course is total bull...well let's just say it irriates me..LOL
There are of course the "specialty" stores that have popped up which cater to women of my PFG'ness, but the cost to even step foot in these stores is far beyond the few pennies which reside in my pocket. And that's not even counting the cost of the clothes! Sadly, like most women, I was born with an eye for expensive, so all the styles and clothes that catch my eye tend to run on the high end of the pricing scale. But generally speaking the price of "Plus Size" clothes runs this course across all style and types. From swim suits to jeans. T-shirts to formal wear, even shoes!
Torrid and Lane Bryant are the two names that come up when you try to locate fashionable PFG clothes. But the cost to buy one outfit is outrageous! Think about it, if you're looking for a cute outfit for a night out you're looking at spending a minium of $140! Here's a break down of a cute outfit one might find at Torrid.
Jeans - $58.50
Top - $44.50
Shoes - $55.50
Bracelet - $16.50
----------------
Total cost - $175.00!! Ouch. My bank account is squirming just thinking about that number!
If you can hit the clearance section for some if not all of the items, then you can knock that cost down to just about $100. But if you're like me, finding something that fits, isn't ripped or stained in the clearance section is like winning the lottery. It happens about a life time. And if you also like me, you just don't have that kind of extra cash laying around. Personally I think this kind of pricing isn't fair, since there's such a limited amount of stores that carry clothes worth buying, what's a PFG to do?
Now I can hear some of you out there saying, but there are other stores that carry "Plus Size" clothes at better prices. And indeed there are other stores, but the styles and cuts are not available to buy off the rack. Most stores like Old Navy do have a plus size line, but it's available exclusively online. Who buys clothes without trying them on first, not me. So what about outlet malls or discount stores? They often carry the rejects from the main stores so the clothing is often ripped, mis-tagged or stained. And more often than not they carry the clothes that aren't sized correctly. Sure that top says it's a 2X, but it's cut was just a little off making it more like a 1X 1/2. And usually the clothes have something that's just a little off about them. So then what's a PFG to do? Here's my suggestions...
- Walmart for jeans. I know, I know, but really, if I search the few Walmart stores around me I can come up with at least two pair of jeans. And ranging in price from $18 to $24.99, I can easily get two pair of jeans for the cost of one at Torrid. The brand names determine how long they last, I can get Lee for $24.99 and they will last me a couple of years.
- For t-shirts and hoodies, I shop in the men's section. I know they are pretty much shapeless, but at least they are the right length and fit my shoulders without the possibility of accidental belly flashing.
- Dress clothes I usually hit Goodwill. They, like most stores have a limited section for plus size clothes, but I have the good fortune to be by one that seems to get all the brand new clothes with the tags still on them. I can hem pants that are too long, and replace buttons so it's a cheap place to find my dress clothes. Another fun fact is that most thrift stores will run specials to drive in customers! My local Goodwill runs 50% off everything every other Saturday, and 50% off clothes the other Saturdays!
- Also I keep an eye on Torrid. They frequently run 50% off clearance sales both online and in the stores! Occasionally I can find a nice top or a pair of jeans, but mostly I use these sales to pick up underwear & bras as well as accessories.
- One of the best suggestions I got years ago from a former employer was to learn which brands run smaller or larger than the size listed. For example, LEI boot cut jeans run about a size smaller than the size listed, so a 20 is actually a 19. This can result in making you love or hate that brand. Of course finding which brands run small or big requires a lot of trying on, and all I can say is leave your emotions at the dressing room door. Don't discouraged when you can't find a brand that runs bigger resulting in a lower size option. But having this knowledge will help in the clearance searching. If you know that a certain jean brand runs small in a certain cut, you can save time by not having to try them on. Of course if you are buying a cut you've never tried on before, trying on is necessary!
- Don't try to follow every fashion fad. Some fashions that look good on the stick thin chicks just do not translate well for PFG's. For me, Leggings will never be a style choice because I'm not going to subject myself, or the world to my thighs in skin tight fabric. It's not worth all the cottage cheese in the world! With that being said, I know many women who can pull this look off, and I say my hat's off to you! But I'll stick to my classic pieces and keep the world safe.
- Shoes are the one thing that I will pay full price for. Because let's face it, finding a good pair of shoes is hard enough without trying to stick with just the clearance section. I've got to find shoes in the wide width section so find a pair that fit properly and will work with my current closet can be a challenge in and of itself. So when I do find a pair, I will scoop them up.
I may not be the most fashionable PFG out there, but I get by. I can look cute when I need to, and I can look professional without being uncomfortable in ill fitting dress clothes. I may still hate shopping, but some times a girl has to have that retail therapy! The best suggestion I have for any one regardless of size when it comes to shopping is buy in the off season! Right when stores are changing from winter to spring/summer clothes is the time to buy coats, sweaters, gloves and scarves! Same goes for when they switch from summer to winter wear, that's when you buy shorts, sandals and swim wear! It may seem odd, but that really is when you find the best deals around!
If you have any shopping tips to share, please do, I'm always looking for new way to save money!
Until next time!
Saturday, April 21, 2012
257
257
That's it. I've officially posted my weight. I am 257 pounds. If I had a digital scale, I'd give you the ounces too, but I don't so I can't. What I can do however is confess to being a Professional Fat Girl.
But wait! Isn't that mean to say? Doesn't that imply that you are "fat" on purpose and that you condone the obesity problems this country is so overly obsessed with? In a word, no. Sure there are things I dont like about myself, everyone has those little flaws they cant seem to get over, but what I'm saying is I'm giving up worrying about mine. I am accepting who I am as a person. Am I healthy, no. Do I need to get healthy, you can bet that deep fried Twinkie I do!
Ever since I can remember, I've been having an affair with food. It started with M&M's. My dad used to buy a bag for me every day on his way home from work, I'd give him the green ones and eat the rest. I was always secretly happy when the bag had only one or two, it meant more sweets for me. From there it progressed to other candy bars, then moved to cakes, ice cream, various desserts and finally onto deep fried foods. When you can walk into a restaurant and order a deep fried Twinkie covered with ice cream, chocolate & caramel syrup, you know you've just entered Professional Fat Girl heaven! If it's bad for you, but tastes amazing, I've probably had it, and had it more than once.
The following posts will be my journey/rantings in the world of being a Professional Fat Girl, and how I will get healthy while being in a PFG prejudiced world!
Let the insanity...I mean fun begin!!
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